21yo loser freak on the banality of life

sometimes i wake up and life feels so laughable. it seems like something i can dig my fingers into and control. it feels like something innate - something finite. other days, dramatic days like today, everything feels terrifying,,,all efforts feel useless. i often wonder if my life will be me infinitely clocking in to a job i don't want.

i want to make something new. i want to be a singer. i want to have a house and a family. i'm surrounded by people who are trying to do the same thing. how many of us will actually succeed? how many of us will turn to another plan? succumb to another life? the thought of being more than i am right now is horrifying. the thought of being anything less is even more so.

more than anything, i want to be good. more than anything, i want to be known. i need to get less selfish. i need to get more introspective. i need to do everything. i need to stop everything.

just read this back. bitch get over yourself….sigh.